No thank you dream catcher :(

Well, I had the most bizarre dream last night and couldn't wait to write it down.

Alright, first I have to kind of update you on some people. So, you know Kevin... well, before I went out with him I actually had a major crush on his best friend, Landon. Also at this time, Scarlet liked Kevin (she even went on a date with him... very awkward....). But a few weeks ago, Scarlet told me that she likes Landon!! Now, Scarlet, Landon and Kevin have all been great friends since before I met them so this was a HUGE shock. But on Wednesday last week me Scarlet and Landon were all talking in English but.... uhh.... Landon kind of ignored her and was talking to me almost the entire time! I couldn't be rude not to mention I am a talk-a-holic so of course I was joking around with him and talking up a storm.

After that class I apologized to Scarlet and said that I wasn't trying to flirt with him or go after him or anything like that and she told me that she really didn't care if I did. She said it was just too painful to like him because she "knew" she would never be with him. So she claims now that she doesn't like him.

And we have a problem...

........................

I think maybe possibly a wee bit slightly that my tiny crush on him is coming back....

BUT I think it's partially sub-consciencely!

{which brings me to my dream}

ok, so last night I had a dream:

I was at my house along with like all my relatives and John was there with his girlfriend and Landon was there. So, it was kind of a weird dream because it came in little parts; nothing really flowed right. Kinda like random scenes mixed around. One time I went to my room and John was sitting on my bed and he smiled at me, then he was kissing his girlfriend in the basement, then he like winked at me and then he was playing around with her outside. In between some of these random scenes were just me and Landon having friendly conversations, like we do at school, just joking around being friends.

So you know that feeling you get when you like someone and they notice you; that stomach-dropped butterfly sorta feeling? I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD GET THAT FEELING IN A DREAM!!!! but apparently you can.

So after I saw Kevin and his gf outside walking together I was kinda bummed so I got my laptop and sat on the couch. I was looking at like cars or something and Landon came to sit next to me. We were just talking about the cars and stuff, laughing and having fun and then once we stopped laughing, he randomly put his arm around me.

my.... stomach.... DROPPED

what the heck!

What's worse?? In the dream I smiled!!!

Then I proceeded to put my laptop down and lay my head on his shoulder! He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me!

even if I was asleep how could I betray Scarlet!....... I don't know...

But I didn't want to wake up......

It felt amazing to just be curled up with someone who seemed to actually like me.

And I'm ashamed to say that two thoughts were going through my head when I woke up:

1) the phrase "All is fair in love and war"

2) I wanted more than anything for that dream to come true...

ugh... and I'm angry at myself for being excited about going to school tomorrow!! lol!...

I hate highschoool.

info and NEWS!

ok, so i guess it's about time to let all of my 16 year old crush anxiety out on you innocent internet people. :)

ok, so basically i've been in one verrryyyy looooonnnnnnggggggg relationship since moving out here and being old enough to know what a real relationship is. Lets call him Kevin. Well kevin and i were together since may 27th of 2008 then he broke up with me on September 14th 2009.

sooo i tried to be friends with him but he kept shutting me off so we ignore eachother now... only problem being that one of my two BEST friends (Scarlet) is best friends with kevin!.... but anyway, thats not important right now.

so i'm first chair in our school orchestra and i'm in the pit orchestra for our annual school musical. i was sooo not used to crushing on a guy because i was with Kevin for so long but then came John...... **very long drawn out sigh**** he's a junior, so only one year ahead of me, and he has sandy brown hair and the brightest most dazzling blue eyes you could ever see.... he is playing guitar for the musical this year... there's only one slight set back....... he has a girlfriend.


now, i know what youre thinking and no no NO i am not a boyfriend stealing back-stabbing highschool girl. i don't plan to make them break up. HOWEVER!!! if it happens i'm not complaining. ;)


anywho, one of my close friends, Brittany, is friends with him!!! she actually started talking to him about me and i emailed him on myspace so he definately knows who i am.

i figured "you know, he knows who i am but he'd never be into me"

wellllllll, (this was a few weeks ago) Brittany was talking to me at lunch and said that John said (actual quote from her) "Well, i'm not sure i should be with her {talking about his current g.f.} but i don't want to hurt her." brittany said "but, you want a girlfriend right?" to which he replied "well, yeah"


to say the least, I was FrEaKInG OuT!!

yeah. and i figured out his pattern. he has my lunch period but his girlfriend doesn't. he has to walk right past me on the way to his lunch table. and when he seems NOT that into me he walks behind my chair to where i cant see him and he can't make eye contact. but when he acts interested he walks on the other side of the table and proceeds to look at me.

MAYBE i am reading into it too much but i really dont care.. after the whole Kevin ordeal i havent been happy at all. i love him and i thought we would be together forever... but things just dont work out that way anymore.

sooo a few days ago, walking out of pit practice i timed my exit to where i was walking right in front of John. he was walking kinda far behind but then sped up as we went through the doors. i could see my grama in the car looking at him but didnt think much of it. so i got in the car and was like "oh my god grama... i am on top of the world right now... did you see him?!?" she just laughed.. so getting halfway out of the parking lot we caught up with him walking a little ways ahead of us. he very prominately stopped, turned, looked STRAIGHT at me, turned back around and kept walking. I MELTED.... *sigh* and i said "Grama, isn't he just gorgeous??!?!?!" and she said "yeah, he has a nice smile". i was so confused, i didnt see him smile in the short time he was facing both of us. so i questioned. she said "when he was walking out of the school behind you he was watching you, smiling, then he saw me looking at him and covered his mouth with his phone." i couldnt breath... LOL... then i came to realization, or so i thought.

"he was probably talking on the phone."
"the screen of his phone was black."

"well, maybe he was looking at someone in front of me."
"he was right behind you Kyira. i was watching him."


she had an explanation for everything!! i was amazed...
THEN, the next day, i was sitting at lunch and happened to look up to see him completely stopped a couple tables down looking straight at me! eye contact was made and i smiled and looked down... and he walked on the opposite side of my lunch table!... :D


TTHHHEEEENNNN!!! we had pit practice the other day on a snow day and i figured, ehh he won't be here. then one of the cello players, Brandon, answered his cell phone, ended the conversation with "k" and got up and walked out of the room. then came back with John walking next to him. apparently he had to let him in the school. XD

so i was sitting there, not even paying attention (i was tired.. lol) and i glanced over to him, not even on purpose and his brilliant blue eyes were boaring into mine!!!! i am a very shy person, so i think i actually literally jumped, blushed like no other!, smiled and looked down. OMG! he was looking at ME! ..... i couldnt make eye contact again for sure unfortunately but im going to try something next week to see if he opens the door for me, not as a sign but just being polite, and see if i cant strike a little bitty like 4 word conversation so i get "socially legal" permission to say "hey" to him in the hallway. :)

but ok... i'm going to get back to my book i'm writing. XD

i'll keep ya updated!!

night night
~Kyira Lillie

Calla Lily wishes...

ahhh Valentine's Day....

The worst part about being alone on the day of love is simply that you have time to watch the couples who don't even realize how lucky they are not to be alone in the world.

last year, valentine's day was amazing for me. pink and red roses annnddd calla lilies after a chick flick that he didn't even complain about.... **sigh**

But that's the past. And i don't intend on going back unfortunately.

but no, anyway, back to what i was saying:

I watch the couples around me and it seems like all they ever do is argue! I mean, I understand that relationships always have their disagreements; I am not ignorant. But on valentine's day?? really??


come on now...


Honestly, sometimes<<<now don't freak hear, I know for me this is going to sound crazy>>> I doubt love even existing anymore... It seems more like two people tolerating eachother and occassionally being romantic to eliminate their flirting desires. Like Passionate Tolerance. ({hence the domain name})

I wish people who have someone to love and someone who loves them back would just take atleast this day to recognize and appreciate how lucky they are to not be lonely.


Tis late, I'm gonee. :)

Explainations

Hello. So i finally broke down and started a blog. But i think this will be a good thing for me. I love to write as it is and I suppose I do talk to my dog much too much about my sophomore life; why not post it on the internet! Maybe I'll get human feed-back as oppossed to puzzled puppy stares.

Basic run-down:

• no, my real name neither consists of "Kyira" or "Lillie", but I shall explain my choice of closing title at a later blog
• yes, I am a vegetarian; have been for 2 years and I don't plan on going back to the average carnivorous ways any time soon.
• I am probably one of the world's biggest hopelessly romantic teenagers. (However, i must admit, my insiration for starting this blog was from reading the blog "The Life of a Hopeless Romantic 16 year old". If you're reading MY blogs, you would loooovvvve hers)
• I have almost every ounce of knowledge I can obtain about the tragedy of Titanic wired into my brain... I do not know why, but I've always loved both the movie and the event since 1997.
• I am older mentally than practically everyone my age. I was raised by my grandparents and basically grew up at age 7 or 8. (This being said, i also don't mix very well with guys my age. As if they weren't already too immature for girls mentally 16, they annoy the living hell out of me!!!)

Ok then, enough bullets. Anywho, I decided to start this blog in the hopes that someone might actually appreciate and follow my desires for the guy you read about in romance novels. The one person that you are destined to be with but have to wait sooo impatiently for.... **sigh**

oH yes, and the title of my blog. I feel the need to explain that especially:

Well you see....

after my most recent boyfriend broke up with me (I've only had approx. 3 and a half boyfriends my whole life. I don't do the little highschool fling crap, I prefer a meaningful relationship) anyway, after we broke up i realized that even though I'm in search of (forgive me for the cliche) my "prince charming", I always fall for the ridiculously immature sweet-talkers that break my heart. And everytime it doesn't work out I always hear the same thing:

"There are more fish in the sea!!"

UGHHH!!!! I despise that phrase almost as much as

"distance makes the heart grow fonder"

FYI PEOPLE: Out of sight=Out of mind! especially to the average male mind!

....... so yes, needless to say, I was pretty ticked when I heard that phrase once again. So i thought about it...... and proceeded to post on facebook:

"How come every fish I seem to catch in this sea

turns out to be nothing but a nice-looking piece of seaweed!?!?!?"

TA-DA!! I can see the lightbulbs flashing on over the heads of those of you who read the title of this blog and thought to yourselves

"What..... on..... Earth...... is this little girl smoking...."

don't do drugs. they are bad.

:)