Magic Irony...

I. Have. NEWS!!!!!!

OK, so I'm sure you all recall how May 27th is a very fragile day for me, as it would have been my and Kevin's 2 year anniversary... Well, due to the occasion, there was no way I could emotionally handle school that day, so we went to the mall. It was originally supposed to be Abby, Grama and myself. A girl's day. Grama would go look around at the book places and Abby and I would tail cute guys and shoe shop. But no. Nothing can ever work out right (or so I thought) because Abby wasn't able to go.

So, I woke up Thursday morning and I wasn't feeling too well... My throat hurt and Grama was in a bad mood. I got dressed and put my shopping money into my wallet. It didn't help that the aura of the day was already bitter... I just wasn't feeling it. Especially considering I had to go back to school for orchestra because we were trying something different this year with our spring concert. Our director and the director of the GRC orchestra in the next county over got together and we were doing a joint concert. We were going to have orchestra practice at the end of the day with them and then rehearsal with them after school all the way up until the time of the concert at 7 o'clock. I wasn't looking forward to it at allllllllll............

We got to the mall and I ended up buying quite a bit. (I shop when I'm upset....) I found a really cute, short, spaghetti strap dress and 4 inch, yellow wedges. With earrings and a scarf to match, I changed into it in the car and was starting to feel a tad better. We got back to school right on time and I went to orchestra feeling ok. Of course, Abby had to bring up Kevin as soon as I walked in. A little inconsiderate if you ask me... I sort of went off and told her not to bring him up ever again. But I snapped back into a good mood surprisingly quick.

When the GRC orchestra walked into the auditorium (where we were practicing) I only caught a glance of them and I wasn't too thrilled... We were going to sit side by side with the other orchestra- first chair of our orchestra (me) by the first chair of theirs, second chair by second, so on and so forth. I figured that I would be stuck next to some really amazing Asian violinist who was WAYYY better than me or a nerdy guy who thought he could play but really couldn't. I was WRONG!

Everyone behind me was greeting their stand partners and I was still sitting next to an empty chair. I turned and looked at one of my and Abby's close friends, Mary, and she was just staring right past me. I turned to see a tall, blonde haired guy holding a violin... *SIGHHHH!!!* now, you all know my weakness, when a guy wears a dress shirt casually with the first few buttons unbuttoned, untucked and the sleeves rolled up... I'll give you one guess to what he was wearing. Yep! A light blue, pin striped dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, the first 2 buttons unbuttoned, untucked with khaki short and sandals. **EVEN BIGGER SIGHHHH!!!** And he was gorgeous!!! I mean, seriously!! Short blonde hair, dark brownish-green eyes... perfect.

Suddenly, my horoscope flashed through my head. It kept telling me "May 27th will be a day of meeting new people, starting new relationships" and "the planetary alignment will make May 27th a day of love". I kept disregarding it because I was thinking "NO WAY will that happen on May 27th. nope.".... again, WRONG! lol

He sat down and said hi and I smiled and said hi back. Then Mary butted in and was like "He's not going to bite, Kyira!! You can say hi!" I turned, startled, and laughed and said "I did say hi!!!!" To which she added "noooo you didn't!!". (gotta love her) So, I turned back around to him laughing (BEAUTIFUL smile too!!!) and said "Hello, I'm Kyira, How are you today?" He laughed and said "Well hi, I'm Chris." (He is a junior; 17; only one year older than me!! )

We were just talking casually and flirting around, Chris, me and the second chair of their orchestra, Mike, who was a bit shorter, darker hair, but still pretty cute!! (it was weird getting so much attention from guys! Mike even complimented my shoes! lol) Abby and Mary kept getting "mad" at me because it was obvious that I was sitting next to the hottest, most amazing guy in the GRC orchestra (not to mention, he was a great violinist! and apparently we were totally hitting it off. )

After rehearsal, our director had ordered pizza so we ate and then had to change into our concert dress. Evidently I did a pretty good job at dressing to impress because I got FOUR compliments from the GRC girls about my hair and my outfit and such. Then I got onstage.

Chris would hardly look at me. He didn't smile or anything and only watched me out of the corner of his eye. I thought, at first, that maybe I didn't look as great as I thought I did... But I tried not to let it bother me...

We had an AMAZZZZINNNGGGG concert, ending with a full orchestra (plus band) version of Pirates of the Caribbean. Then it was over. Chris and I stood up and he finally, really looked at me and I could tell that my initial thinking was soo wrong. He smiled and said "This was great, we definitely have to do this next year." It was so obvious that he was nervous and racking his brain so hard to find a conversation topic. We ended up standing there (he was kind of in my way, not letting me leave) and staring at each other. sort of awkward but oh so sweet. Finally he like catches himself mid-stare and holds out his hand to shake mine. (I had tons of stuff in my hands so I tried to put it all down smoothly while he was laughing and saying "come on, you can do it". lol) It was like something in a romantic movie.... He took my hand and time stopped, and by the way he looked into my eyes, I could tell that it was the same way for him. As if that wasn't enough, he didn't pull his hand away, he gently watched my hand slip out of his, almost like he didn't want to let go... ***SIGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!***

We were just standing there on stage, again, sweet/awkwardly staring, and this nice blonde lady comes up and starts talking a mile a minute: "Oh!! Can I take your guys' picture??! You all were great!! This is SO exciting!! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm his mom!!" lol... and as she was fiddling with her camera, he leans down and whispers "she's crazy.." obvious embarrassment in his voice... LOL! it was so sweet.... SO she took our picture and then he walked me back to the orchestra room as we finally found a conversation topic. lol.

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got back to the orchestra room and I was on cloud nine to say the very least!! I put my instrument away and kept looking over to Chris who conveniently kept looking over at me. I was talking to Abby and heard this beautiful piano music playing in the background. Then I heard singing and turned to see Chris hovering behind the piano playing and singing, looking right at me!! I smile and completely drop the conversation with Abby.

I walked over there and he smiled at me. I used my opportunity to get closer to him and asked "Is there anything you can't do??" lol to which he paused, looked up and replied "be a woman." lol... it was precious. He has my sense of humor: clever, sarcastic, flirty humor!!

I was standing there "talking" to Abby and Mary mindlessly while be pulled into another world by his amazing voice and extraordinary piano playing. When Abby and Mary had to go, I gave them both a hug and shortly after, when Chris finished the current song he was playing, I said "yeah, I should probably get going too..." He stood up (even in stilettos, he's still about a foot and a half taller than me!! ) and we both smiled. Someone rudely interrupted our staring at each other and started talking to me so I turned, answered them laconically and when I looked back to Chris, he was smiling with his arms reaching to me for a hug!!!!

I. ALMOST. DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He wrapped me in a warm, secure, hug and I have to say, though I was with Kevin for a year and a half, standing there by the piano with my head on Chris's chest with his arms around me was the most magically hug I have EVER received.... Of course, it was over all too soon and I slowly stepped back to look him in the eyes and proceeded to leave...

LUCKILY, I was stopped by my other director and private lesson teacher and told to go help put away stands and chairs in the auditorium. I got in there and told Mary that I got a hug (at this point about four clouds above cloud nine) and danced around collecting stands. I walked back into the orchestra room and he was now sitting at the piano. His back was to me so I didn't say anything and simply walked across the room to my other orchestra friends standing over there. I saw him watching me out of the corner of my eye so I smoothly gave them all a hug and walked over to the piano, laughed and said "do you ever leave??" he laughed and we had a small conversation. Then he scooted his chair over, looked at me and said quietly, "come here, I'm going to sing you this song I wrote" and before I could respond he started playing a beautiful melody..... I melted....................................................................

I ended up getting about 5 songs played to me with no one else near us besides Mike standing in front of the piano, looking bored and watching Chris and I.... I was in heaven.... :)

I finally put my hand on his shoulder and he looked up to me and said sadly "you have to go?" I just nodded my head and giggled. He agreed and slowly stood up, I said bye and walked out. I happened to look back to see him scrambling to collect all of his things and catch up. I walked a little slower then.

He got out in the hallway behind me and said something about forgetting something in the bathroom, so as he slipped in there, I slipped into the auditorium to get my violin. I could see him in the lobby, looking around almost frantically for "something". ;)

So I hurried up the isle and started loudly talking to Mary who was standing there too. Chris, surprisingly, waited just outside the propped open door!!! So I caught up and Chris and Mike followed close behind me to the car. (Chris was still singing.. lol. and later, Grama told me that he was singing something about "i like your smile" or something and then once I opened the car door with Grama and Papa sitting in the front, he said something along the lines of "oops! parents." lol)

I put my things in the car and turned to him and he said "See you soon" sweetly and slowly, and I said "bye..." sweetly and then we departed..... *sighhh*

It really was magical... And to think, it all happened on May 27th...

I added him on FaceBook and we had a conversation the other night for about an hour. I was nervous about it at first, but I messaged him "hey" and he responded "hey!" INCLUDING the exclamation point!!! so I was feeling pretty good!!! But then, all of the sudden he just stopped talking to me. Idk what happened, it said he was still online, so after an hour and a half I flirtingly told him he could text me... But I haven't gotten any text... So idk. I emailed him tonight about something very simple and orchestra related, very basic and vague so I'm hoping that I can pick back up a spark or two..

I suppose, whether anything happens or not, I will never EVER forget that evening.... It was amazing.... Truly... PLUS, we'll see each other again next year if we do another joint concert!... But, I really really REALLY have been praying for at least a chance with him. (it takes a lot to get me praying too... ) I've never clicked that well with ANY guy... not even Kevin at first! So, I just really want to see if this won't go somewhere... you know?? Wish me luck!!!!!

And if not, at least May 27th was a good... no... UNBELIEVABLE day. lol. And I am truly grateful for that.

~Kyira Lillie

venting. angry heart.

Why me? I don't understand this at all!!! Why is it that couples can be so alike and yet some work out and others don't! Then again, it is hard to tell whether they will work out or not... Either way! How is it that a person can be so bitter with another person in love and then be exactly like them when the situation is twisted their direction!! Not even to mention the fact that the other half of both situations are practically twins from different years as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They even have a freakishly close to the same ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am extremely upset at the moment. Not sure if I should try to explain and say words sure to offend someone or simply cool down with high school philosophy... I believe that I will go with the later. There is still red steam puffing out of my ears because of the intense anger. Talking about the bastard and his evil sister is probably not the best of ideas at the moment.

actually.... give me a second.

AJ;LKDSJROI$%^&)(*^&(@kHJKLJHDKJFKJHy^8&^)(*&JKJHSDJFH12@^%&$%#)@(*@+_(&$)(^&%%&$!@*&_)@&($(@$%^!@*(!)(*&@^)AD;OFIUT1348-P957036-4444NJ(&&*&#######################################!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. I'm a bit better.

anywho.

**clears throat**

According to biological facts, one can remain alive as long as they posses a heart and are breathing. correct? But what happens when another steals your heart and takes your breath away? For it's then that one seems more alive than ever. And when the other person thrusts your heart and breath back at you as if it meant nothing to them at all?? Is that truly living??

**snaps**

lol jk jk. i promise I'm not that conceited. :)

i feel much better now. I'm watching survivor. I hope Parvati wins again!! I love her. lol

anywhoo, I do have one other. But you'll all just have to wait. :D hehe.

~Kyira Lillie~

3 years past...

Well, my lovely interneters, I am happy to admit that I have found a new pass-time ^.^

Soooooo, I had a TERRIBLE day at school; see previous post for explanation, it's the same dramatic crap. However, when I got home I just felt.... kinda good. I put on my short shorts and strapless top and went outside to work on my nonexistent tan. I ended up cutting the lawn. I live on a farm, we have 32 acres of land, so we have riding lawn mowers. So I had my sunglasses, my iced tea (which I have a new obsession for, I'm not sure if I have said that already or not) and my music. I did the little circle area by the garden but the sun felt so good and Kayne West in my ear was putting me in a great mood so I asked Grama if I could cut the orchard. (It's really not an orchard, more or less two rows of adolescent fruit trees with a strawberry platform at one end and an arch with grapes at the other.) So I went out there and it was just so amazing! LOL. I had Breaking Benjamin blasted by that point and because the orchard is the farthest place from the house that we cut, I was singing my lungs out, head banging and drumming on the steering wheel. I undoubtedly must have looked like a moron!! But it was so much fun!!!! I had to weave around the trees and I could watch the horses in the field next to me. Then, considering the pond is right behind the orchard, I would look over and see my new found bestest friend (I'll explain Ernie later). This, my friends, is my new hobby. lame. i know.

Then I finally came in and had grilled barbecue vegetables and vegetarian chicken. (BEST DINNER EVER. yes.)

Then I went out and sat on the wooden fence and watched my horses. They aren't really trained anymore, so I try to go out there a lot more often than I used to. I even got the blanket on Rosa today and she didn't even run away!! And I gave Freckles a kiss!! Progress I tell you, monumental progress!!

And to conclude my lovely farm evening I chased my "indoor" cat around the entire barn... I say "indoor" because he is supposed to stay inside because we have had kitty fatalities by way of truck tire in the past and Salym is definitely not the brightest light bulb in the hardware store!! Besides, he's my baby, and I just couldn't handle losing my little boy right after losing my precious, little, 5 year old puppy to lymphoma... (BTW- Lymphoma wanness day= September 15th!! Wear lime green that day!) Anywhoooo, but he gets out occasionally, which really isn't that huge of a deal as he is technically a barn cat (though he was born in a drawer under my bed) and still wants to be adventurous.... It's like a blonde model from Hollywood desperately wanting to live in downtown Chicago... you see my concern. He has a plaid collar for Budda's sake!! ;) But I eventually caught him and he is now safely in the laundry room across the hall from where I sit at this very moment.



And now I am here, sitting in bed, telling you of my perfect farm day, wearing a wrap on my wrist... (mowing around those pesky trees, I twisted my violin wrist. Luckily, we don't have orchestra again until Monday due to testing, so I can get it all better in time for our playing test :) )



Oh yes! Speaking of sea monsters! ;) Ernie is a soft shell turtle that I found in the pond today! Soft Shell turtles have been my absolute favorite type of turtle since seeing them on Zaboomafoo on PBS as a child. And I thought he was a snapping turtle at first, until I drove over there and his long nose was sticking up and he was just chillin', basking in the sun in the shallow water. I'm pretty sure it was the koolest thing I have seen on this God forsaken farm since moving here 5 years ago! So I named him Ernie. It's short for Ernestaldo.





On another note, today is my baby brother's 3rd birthday. I've only seen him three times in his entire life: when he was born, shortly before his 1st birthday, then just a few months ago. I feel sort of bad today, because my mother is still in the pointless rehab that won't help her, and my brother is currently with his father (my aunt is keeping my 12 year old sister because her father is practically in the same boat as our mother). We don't have an address or anything, so his oldest sister nor his grandparents could talk to him on his birthday... I suppose things happen for a reason though.



I do have a bit of crush news though!!! ^.^





WELLLLLLLLL... I guess it's not really a "crush" more of a "facebook cutie with common interests who happens to go to my school"... lol. You see, I was on Emily's, one of my very good senior friend's, page to post a video of the lion king hula song that we were singing in physics earlier (don't ask... lol. I love her though!). I just happened to catch out of my peripherals, a very handsome guy's picture in the "friends" sidebar. So, naturally, I clicked on it! Turns out, he's a senior at my school, though I've never seen him before, what caught my eye (other than him being insanely gorgeous) was that he said he wanted to become a lawyer to help people who can't afford attorneys. I KNOW, RIGHT!?!?!? I can just hear the inevitable high-pitched "aww!!" of a charmed girl on the other end of this screen! I did the same thing... **sigh** It's just so sweet. ***stares off into space for 5 minutes***



O.o -**look on your face if you were here to see my daydreaming gaze**



yes, anywho, so I am going to ask Emily how they know each other, and if it is a semi-close to close friendship, I am going to facebook him, just saying hi, and tell him I am Emily's friend, just so it doesn't look like I'm a stalker-freak. (notice I didn't deny that though.... mwahahaha!!!.......... jk jk.) Yeah, kind of exciting. :D (I'm likin' the faces tonight in case you couldn't tell. Which is incredibly surprising given my awful day with petty high school girl drama. {I am so glad I have at least 2 mature girlfriends})





But alright, I best be off to bed; typing is kind of making my wrist hurt.



(I totally just spent 20 minutes trying to find that stupid titanic quote after the dinner scene to put here but I give up... lol. soooo, I shall settle with yet another classic.......)

hakuna matata!!!!

;)



~Kyira Lillie

best friends??

I begin to open my eyes to that which has been concealed behind shades of youthful ignorance....

I am writing a short story about the betrayal that has been thrust my direction as of the past few months; above is the opening sentence. It is not so much a structured, developing plot sort of anecdote, but rather a life philosophy sort of thing.

Speaking of life philosophy, I really want to write a book of highschool philosophy: basically all the things that I've discovered and put into words while being in highschool. I think it would be pretty kool... I have a little poem book filled with paragraphs about random things that I recently realized and things I've been through, so it wouldn't be that hard to bind it into a book. and speaking of that, I should start writing some of them here!! :) after all, what is the point of poetry if not shared with at least someone.

ANYWHO, I have a lot to get out of my system... lol... This may take awhile. (I also fixed my spacing issue with the blog!! Can't you tell!! uh, so much easier. lol)

now, **looks to ceiling** where to begin? Oh yes, we will begin with Kevin... He has really been getting to me lately... I mean, since september (the break up) he has never really stopped getting under my skin but now it's even more amplified. You see, he has been flirting and talking to one of my, now ex, best friends, Lauren.... The worst part is, Lauren always flirts back! (the reason behind the above mentioned "ex" prefix attached to the "best friend" equation.) I realize that I shouldn't let guys come in between me and my girlfriends but I'm sorry: she was my friend before she even knew him and she knows how hard it is to see him everyday without him and her being all over eachother. Lauren swears that she isn't dating in highschool and I have got legit confirmation that Kevin has recently said that he doesn't want to date anymore in highschool either. (which brings me a bit of happiness; maybe he was infact affected by the breakup.)

Luckily, and unluckily, I only have to see him 20 more days and counting... It's contridictory because I mean I truly think I hate him for all he put me through, but then again, I loved him with my entire heart for over a year and a half and now I only have 20 more days before he's gone from my life forever... I may never see the likes of Kevin again....... It's sort of depressing... Especially because we didn't end on very good terms. Hey! It's not entirely my fault though! You would be clingy-depressed-not-on-good-terms too if someone you've given your full heart to tells you "I love you more than anything, I want to marry you, I want to die with you, blah blah BLAHHHH" one second and literally the NEXT moment, you ask him which he would choose, you or some boarding school that's just going to screw up everyones life and he says "I don't know."------------- >:[

adlkchoaiw$%^&*3287jn;oc9u9hon2*q3[80dfyuqh##@ne&^o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah... I am bitter... sue me... you would be too granted that you were in my predicament.

A best friend backstabbing another best friend is the worst kind of betrayal you can have. Think about it: when you're in a relationship, no matter how stable, it always eventually crosses your mind that they might end up hurting you. and your family; it isn't a family if there's no arguing and rivalry... but best friends.... you trust them with your secrets, they listen to you cry when your frog dies, you never EVER doubt their loyalty..... until they give you a reason to..... which is what she did.... it was out of nowhere! She knew I wasn't dealing with it well, and she tried comforting.... then she ignored me and became best friends with him.

The reason I bring this up now is partially because she started giving him the cold shoulder about a week and a half ago and we started talking a little again. She even gained a bit of my trust back, but then just like before she started completely blowing me off and now they're attached at the hip even more then last time!!! I just don't understand it...

I'm a bit upset at practically ALL of my girlfriends too... Every one of the girls that I hang out with were best friends with me before they were best friends with Kevin. NOW, it seems like all of them are abandoning me right when I make a break through! I know that I've been having a hard time accepting that it's over and we'll never have another chance with each other but about a month ago I finally seemed to stop loving him. I know he'll always have a pretty big piece of my heart but I really don't think I am in love with him any longer. And right when I hit this breaking point in my sophomore life, all of my friends are leaving me for him!! OK, well not all of them... But I really only trust about three of them whole-heartedly:

Kiara- who is going to re-date a more immature CLONE of Kevin over the summer....

Abby- who is going through a rough time of her own, so I want to be there for her not the other way around... and

Scarlet- who seems to pretend that Kevin has done NOTHING to one of her best friends..... I mean I know she is friends with him... and I know she doesn't hold grudges, especially because he hasn't done anything to her, but he's still hurting me day after day.... and she keeps getting closer and closer to the back-stabbing MALE in question...

I guess I can't complain. I know there are many homeless animals who've been through worse. Not to mention, it was pretty hilarious the other day in English. See, Kevin has always been a bit worse than me in English, so being in the same English class kind of bugs him. At least, at the beginning of the year it did. Well, anyway, last week our teacher was talking about Julius Caesar (we are reading the play) and she was talking about how Caesar talks in 3rd person. She asks us something along the lines of "what kind of people do you think talk like that?" and Kevin said "Kevin does." (which he really does, ALLLL the time!! It's incredibly annoying.) I don't think our teacher heard him and a few seconds later she goes on a ran about how she thinks that people who talk in 3rd person like Caesar are arrogant and conceited!! HA!!!! It was sooooooo deadly funny to see his face! I was literally giggling. I only wish I could have seen Lauren's face but she now sits directly behind me. (She got up in the middle of class the day before that and moved directly across the room from me and sat behind Kevin... Not only that, but she MOVED HER DESK to the middle of the isle to sit RIGHT next to him!!!!!! When Mrs. Nelson told her to move back {a half hour later; she's a very laid back teacher} she threw a fight and was saying "but all the ignorant people are over there" and a bunch of crap like that!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS ASTONISHED!!!!! She thinks she's all 'high and prestigious' because all she ever reads is Jane Austen and she has a more extensive vocabulary than the average southerner. I guarantee that if she read any of my writing, she would realize that I am her equal, not even close to below her. It's also an added bonus that I was born in the North!!)

But alright, it's late and we have testing this week at school. I still have more to vent about, but I suppose that will have to wait a little while. Till then, may you guys have better luck with life than I have this year! ;)

~Kyira Lillie