best friends??

I begin to open my eyes to that which has been concealed behind shades of youthful ignorance....

I am writing a short story about the betrayal that has been thrust my direction as of the past few months; above is the opening sentence. It is not so much a structured, developing plot sort of anecdote, but rather a life philosophy sort of thing.

Speaking of life philosophy, I really want to write a book of highschool philosophy: basically all the things that I've discovered and put into words while being in highschool. I think it would be pretty kool... I have a little poem book filled with paragraphs about random things that I recently realized and things I've been through, so it wouldn't be that hard to bind it into a book. and speaking of that, I should start writing some of them here!! :) after all, what is the point of poetry if not shared with at least someone.

ANYWHO, I have a lot to get out of my system... lol... This may take awhile. (I also fixed my spacing issue with the blog!! Can't you tell!! uh, so much easier. lol)

now, **looks to ceiling** where to begin? Oh yes, we will begin with Kevin... He has really been getting to me lately... I mean, since september (the break up) he has never really stopped getting under my skin but now it's even more amplified. You see, he has been flirting and talking to one of my, now ex, best friends, Lauren.... The worst part is, Lauren always flirts back! (the reason behind the above mentioned "ex" prefix attached to the "best friend" equation.) I realize that I shouldn't let guys come in between me and my girlfriends but I'm sorry: she was my friend before she even knew him and she knows how hard it is to see him everyday without him and her being all over eachother. Lauren swears that she isn't dating in highschool and I have got legit confirmation that Kevin has recently said that he doesn't want to date anymore in highschool either. (which brings me a bit of happiness; maybe he was infact affected by the breakup.)

Luckily, and unluckily, I only have to see him 20 more days and counting... It's contridictory because I mean I truly think I hate him for all he put me through, but then again, I loved him with my entire heart for over a year and a half and now I only have 20 more days before he's gone from my life forever... I may never see the likes of Kevin again....... It's sort of depressing... Especially because we didn't end on very good terms. Hey! It's not entirely my fault though! You would be clingy-depressed-not-on-good-terms too if someone you've given your full heart to tells you "I love you more than anything, I want to marry you, I want to die with you, blah blah BLAHHHH" one second and literally the NEXT moment, you ask him which he would choose, you or some boarding school that's just going to screw up everyones life and he says "I don't know."------------- >:[

adlkchoaiw$%^&*3287jn;oc9u9hon2*q3[80dfyuqh##@ne&^o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah... I am bitter... sue me... you would be too granted that you were in my predicament.

A best friend backstabbing another best friend is the worst kind of betrayal you can have. Think about it: when you're in a relationship, no matter how stable, it always eventually crosses your mind that they might end up hurting you. and your family; it isn't a family if there's no arguing and rivalry... but best friends.... you trust them with your secrets, they listen to you cry when your frog dies, you never EVER doubt their loyalty..... until they give you a reason to..... which is what she did.... it was out of nowhere! She knew I wasn't dealing with it well, and she tried comforting.... then she ignored me and became best friends with him.

The reason I bring this up now is partially because she started giving him the cold shoulder about a week and a half ago and we started talking a little again. She even gained a bit of my trust back, but then just like before she started completely blowing me off and now they're attached at the hip even more then last time!!! I just don't understand it...

I'm a bit upset at practically ALL of my girlfriends too... Every one of the girls that I hang out with were best friends with me before they were best friends with Kevin. NOW, it seems like all of them are abandoning me right when I make a break through! I know that I've been having a hard time accepting that it's over and we'll never have another chance with each other but about a month ago I finally seemed to stop loving him. I know he'll always have a pretty big piece of my heart but I really don't think I am in love with him any longer. And right when I hit this breaking point in my sophomore life, all of my friends are leaving me for him!! OK, well not all of them... But I really only trust about three of them whole-heartedly:

Kiara- who is going to re-date a more immature CLONE of Kevin over the summer....

Abby- who is going through a rough time of her own, so I want to be there for her not the other way around... and

Scarlet- who seems to pretend that Kevin has done NOTHING to one of her best friends..... I mean I know she is friends with him... and I know she doesn't hold grudges, especially because he hasn't done anything to her, but he's still hurting me day after day.... and she keeps getting closer and closer to the back-stabbing MALE in question...

I guess I can't complain. I know there are many homeless animals who've been through worse. Not to mention, it was pretty hilarious the other day in English. See, Kevin has always been a bit worse than me in English, so being in the same English class kind of bugs him. At least, at the beginning of the year it did. Well, anyway, last week our teacher was talking about Julius Caesar (we are reading the play) and she was talking about how Caesar talks in 3rd person. She asks us something along the lines of "what kind of people do you think talk like that?" and Kevin said "Kevin does." (which he really does, ALLLL the time!! It's incredibly annoying.) I don't think our teacher heard him and a few seconds later she goes on a ran about how she thinks that people who talk in 3rd person like Caesar are arrogant and conceited!! HA!!!! It was sooooooo deadly funny to see his face! I was literally giggling. I only wish I could have seen Lauren's face but she now sits directly behind me. (She got up in the middle of class the day before that and moved directly across the room from me and sat behind Kevin... Not only that, but she MOVED HER DESK to the middle of the isle to sit RIGHT next to him!!!!!! When Mrs. Nelson told her to move back {a half hour later; she's a very laid back teacher} she threw a fight and was saying "but all the ignorant people are over there" and a bunch of crap like that!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS ASTONISHED!!!!! She thinks she's all 'high and prestigious' because all she ever reads is Jane Austen and she has a more extensive vocabulary than the average southerner. I guarantee that if she read any of my writing, she would realize that I am her equal, not even close to below her. It's also an added bonus that I was born in the North!!)

But alright, it's late and we have testing this week at school. I still have more to vent about, but I suppose that will have to wait a little while. Till then, may you guys have better luck with life than I have this year! ;)

~Kyira Lillie